So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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