You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
