All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
