oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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