So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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