wakey wakey hands off snakey
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize