If i come over, it means nothing
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
50% drunk capacity currently
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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