Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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