The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
