We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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