have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
