so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize