Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
