she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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