Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
