I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
