he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
