I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Randomize
