This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
