I need help removing her.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
