Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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