I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have post one night stand depression
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
