you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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