shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
