I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
