You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
