The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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