Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
