I faked an abortion last night.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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