I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
