Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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