Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize