mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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