I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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