finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
