i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
