never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
