Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
