i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
