I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
