Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
