I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
