My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
