im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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