beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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