Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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