that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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