so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
