Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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