Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
