thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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