her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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