well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize