i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
