I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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