do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
