I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
