Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
