Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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