happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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