with your own penis?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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