there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
