Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
