Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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