I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
