Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Can I color on your dick again?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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