I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
whose parrot is this?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
