Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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