if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
