did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
