Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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