What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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