yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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