I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We're too hungover to prance.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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