His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
