That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
