I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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