Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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