and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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