The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize