Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
