I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
