if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dicks are not precious.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
