I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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