Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
