Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
