Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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