escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
