I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
