I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
