her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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