i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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