what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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