Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize