Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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